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The Other Love of My Life
A new day dawns and the familiar routine begins in assisting my husband in getting out the door, fed and prepared for another day of work. With a kiss, he's off, and then I'm free to privately indulge my longing to spend time over a cup of coffee with the other love of my life. Nestled into my comfy recliner with a view of birds and flowers out my window, I settle in to spend time with the lover of my soul. This is the time I live for. I'm always amazed, as I listen and consider His thoughts, how brilliant and insightful He is, and wonder why He would bother to share His thoughts with the likes of me. Sometimes I'm distracted, I admit, but He patiently waits while I determine to set aside other preoccupations and hear what He has for me. When He shares something that moves me, He never seems uncomfortable with my emotions. Furthermore, if I find something He says confusing, He always responds with patient clarification when I ask for it. He clearly longs for this private time with me as well, although I'll never understand why. Not wanting to end my time with the one I love but needing a change in venue, after awhile, I exchange my empty coffee cup for a pair of athletic shoes, and we set off together on a walk or run. Mile after mile we traverse the neighborhoods surrounding my house simply enjoying the day and lost in our own private conversation. He listens to me talk about whatever is on my mind, and I try to remember not to be so much of a chatterbox that He doesn't have a chance to respond with His insights. Every moment in His presence fills me with joy!1 "My lover is mine and I am his" Song of Songs 2:16. What a wonderful thing that is!
It wasn't always this way. In fact, it was only in the last few years that I became aware that He truly loved me. Imagine one so fine choosing me! I thought that He would only send a smile my way if I worked my too ample backside off for Him, so I tried endlessly to serve Him. Day after day, year after year, I worked for Him hoping to earn His pleasure. I became His champion, but privately my resentment that He was so relentless in His demands generally interfered with tender moments. "Why couldn't He just love me for myself and not for all that I could do for Him?" I wondered. It must be because of my countless flaws and failures, I reasoned. I decided to try harder.
However, life just became immeasurably harder and harder. I felt so rejected and abused by this one I had championed. Why? Why could He love others but not me? Was I really so awful? All of these thoughts drove a wedge deeper between us, separating me further from the love I craved. With much contemplation, day after day, I considered what could be the problem. Finally, I shared my struggle with a trusted counselor. Surprisingly, she recognized the problem immediately. She pointed out that I had a huge volume of love letters from Him that spoke of His unfailing and unconditional love for me but that I was choosing not to believe that He really meant those words.2 She wisely challenged me to start reading those love letters again, looking for any tender words of affection and to make the conscious choice to believe every word. So, I did.
She was right! His letters were full of declarations of His undying love for me!3 Slowly, His words began to seep into my consciousness and renew me. How could I have missed it all those years? I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.4 I am loved! I am loved because my lover chose me, just for me, and not because of something I could do for Him! He thinks I'm beautiful!5 He has forgiven me for all of my failings and wants me to know Him like no one else knows Him.6 Oh, to be loved...it changes a person. Where depression once reigned, joy moves in. She who is loved much is now free to love much in return. "My lover is mine and I am his" Song of Songs 2:16.
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever" (Psalm136:1).
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1 Psalm 16:11, "You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence..."
2 Psalm 31:7, "I will be glad and rejoice in your love..."
3 Psalm 36:5 & 7, "Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. How priceless is your unfailing love!"
4 Psalm 63:3, "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."
5 Psalm 45:11 & 13, "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him for he is your lord. All glorious is the princess within her chamber."
6 Psalm 66:20, "Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!"
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In my book, When You Can't Trust His Heart--Discovering the Limitless Love of God, I share with raw vulnerability, my own deep struggle with trusting a God who seemed to wound me at every turn. Yet, through God's life changing Word, He broke through my brokenness and brought a profound realization of His limitless love. Journey with me in the pages of my book and transform your relationship with your Savior!
